托福独立写作中如何在把握原句的基础上改进转折句?

托福独立作文内容充实逻辑性好、语法准确是拿到高分的重要因素。在限时考试中过于关注语言,提分效果可能还不如前两点。在非限时写作中,磨炼自己的语言基本功显得更有长远意义一些。本文以最常见的转折词“but”为例,浅谈写转折句子的一些句子改进思路考,抛砖引玉。

托福独立写作中如何在把握原句的基础上改进转折句?

“there be句型”变为被动语态

试比较

1. She used to be indifferent to the outside world, but an interloper changed her.

2. Her indifference to the outside world was changed by and interloper.

把but后面的句子改为短小插入语

试比较

1. Driven by an interest in words, Claire kept trying poetry, novelsand literature analyses, but she hardly succeeded in any of these endeavors at the very beginning.

2. Driven by an interest in words, Claire kept trying poetry, novels and literature analyses—all with little initial success.

把but后面部分改为更紧凑的从句

试比较

1. It was meant to be a brief parting, but it turned into a long, lingering one.

2. What was meant to be a brief parting turned into a long, lingering one.

第二句读起来更加集中、紧凑,并且去掉了”It was, but it…”等鸡肋部分。

积累一些可能替换but的连接词

e.g. however/nonetheless/nevertheless/yet/whereas/while…

试比较

1. Once arriving home, she starts to review all the notes, not necessarily because the teacher requires her to do so,but because she encourages herself to study hard.

2. Once arriving home,she starts to review all the notes, as much from the requirement of the teacher,as from herself-encouragement.

总结

对于but这一最为常见的转折,我们可以从“是否可以直接去掉?是否可以改为插入语等句子成分?是否可以改为更为紧凑的从句?是否有其他替换表达?”这个方面进行思考。

但应该指出,应该建立在“自己有把握判断原句与改进后句子的风格与质量”的基础上进行。有时候,不一定改的就比原句更好,短的不一定就更简洁。

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